Completely Useless

The Cooler: Chapter 18

Completely Useless

“Do you have a last name?” the receptionist at the information desk at UMC asked.

“No, he was an indigent brought in yesterday,” JJ said.

“That helps,” she said, grabbing a clipboard. She ran her finger down a list of names until she found what she was looking for. “Here he is, Peter Richards, room 327. You can stop by the billing office to arrange payment before you go up there.”

“What? Payment?” JJ exclaimed.

“Well, you are family, right?” The receptionist asked.

“Uhm, not really. Well, I don’t think I am,” JJ said.

“You are not Simon? It lists Simon as his brother,” she said.

“Yes, I am Simon …” JJ started to say when the receptionist interrupted him.

“Then, Simon, go to billing and arrange payment,” she dismissed him, pointing down the hall, and then picked up a newspaper.

JJ gave up and started walking in the direction she indicated.

“Simon?” Raul asked following him.

“Yeah, that's part of the story I haven't been able to tell you yet,” JJ said.

“It sounds like we will need a pitcher of beer for this story,” Raul said.

* * *

The stop at the billing department took a while. It was a popular place for some reason. In the end, JJ promised he would take care of the bill, knowing he could pay it from the money he had at the Riviera.

“Well, that took longer than I expected,” JJ said to Raul, who had been sitting on a bench in the hallway.

“Did you get it taken care of?” Raul asked.

“Yes, I will have to get some of the money that Kapo gave me to pay it off,” JJ said.

“Who is Kapo?” Raul asked.

“She’s the Hawaiian goddess I started to tell you about,” JJ said.

“Oh, more of the story, never mind, it can wait until I have a beer in my hand,” Raul said. “So this apprentice of yours, what’s he like?”

“Crazy,” JJ said distractedly.

“That’s a bit harsh,” Raul said.

“Sorry, the first time I encountered him, I mean the first time I saw him in Vegas, he was a crazy homeless guy,” JJ said.

“So what can we expect in the room?” Raul asked.

“I really don’t know. He might be drugged out to keep him calm and in the room,” JJ said, staring off as the elevator started up.

“If he's crazy and he might not even be conscious, why do you want to go see him?” Raul asked.

“You know what I don’t know,” JJ said, blinking to clear his head, and then looked at Raul. “I just know that I need to see him.”

“Ok. I’m guessing that has more to do with your story,” Raul said.

“Hmm, maybe,” JJ mused.

They were both silent for the rest of the ride.

Once the elevator arrived on the third floor, the pair exited and found that the rooms were clearly marked. They were able to find Peter's room quickly.

JJ stopped at the door and took a deep breath.

“Ok, let's see how he’s doing,” JJ said.

JJ opened the door quietly and peeked into the room.

Peter was sitting in bed watching a TV show.

“Peter,” JJ said as he walked in.

“Oh … hey … I know you,” Peter said in a slow, drugged-out speech pattern.

“Sounds like you are doing good?” JJ said.

“Oh … yeah … I’m doing realllly good. The pretty nurses come in and give me a magic pill. Hahaha, magic,” Peter interrupted himself with a laughing fit. “Oh hey I know you, are you sick too?” he asked when the laughing was under control.

“No, I’m here to visit you,” JJ said.

“Oh,” Peter said, and then caught sight of Raul as he walked in. “Hey, who's the giant?”

“I’m Raul, but everyone calls me guardian,” Raul said.

“Oh, I don’t need a guardian. The nurses are protecting me from the voices. They give me a magic pill that makes me happy and makes the voices go away,” Peter said, then got a big smile on his face. He went silent as his attention was drawn to the TV for a moment.

“Well, I guess that answers the question, they drugged him out,” JJ said.

Raul and JJ stood for a moment just watching.

“Oh, hey! I know you,” Peter said when he caught sight of JJ again.

“Yes, Peter, I was just here to …” JJ started to say when a noise from the TV drew Peter's attention.

“He’s obviously okay, let's go talk to the nurse and find out when I can take him away,” JJ said to Raul.

“I think I will wait on the benches at the elevator,” Raul said.

“Ok,” JJ said, turning to head to the nursing desk.

* * *

“We are still trying to get his medication correct,” the nurse responded to JJ’s query of when Peter would be released.

“OK, I need to be contacted when he’s ready to go,” JJ said.

“Certainly, you are his next of kin?” The nurse asked.

“Uhh, yeah,” JJ said.

“Ok, what's your number?” The nurse asked.

JJ gave her his pager number and explained it was a pager.

“You don’t look like a drug dealer,” she said under her breath, but loud enough that JJ heard it.

“No, I’m not. I have to be available all the time,” JJ said a little snippily.

“What are you, a doctor?” She asked.

“No, I’m a cooler,” JJ said.

The nurse stared at JJ for a moment, trying to decide if he was lying. “If you don’t want to tell me, just say so; you don’t need to lie to me,” she said and then turned back to the nurse's station.

“So you’ll page me when Peter is going to be discharged?” JJ asked.

“Yes,” she said over her shoulder.

JJ walked back to Raul, where he was seated on a bench trying to read a local Spanish community newspaper.

“Well, how about …” JJ started to say when he was interrupted by his pager going off. “Hmm, I don’t recognize the number,” JJ said after looking down at his pager.

“I’ll be right back,” JJ said to Raul, who had looked up from his newspaper when he heard the pager go off.

“Alright, I’ll be here,” Raul responded to JJ’s back.

“Can I use your phone?” JJ asked the nurse when he had walked back to the station.

“There are payphones next to the front entrance where you can make your deals,” she said without looking up from her paperwork.

“Uh, thank you,” JJ said at the rebuke. He turned around and headed back to Raul.

“Ok, I’m done, but I need to find out who paged me,” JJ said.

“You didn’t use their phone?” Raul asked, pointing back to the station.

“No, she said there are payphones downstairs,” JJ said, and then walked over to the elevator and hit the down button.

“Right behind you,” Raul said as he started working on tearing out an advertisement from the paper.

***

“Barbary Coast,” the voice on the phone said.

“I received a page from this number,” JJ said.

“You the cooler?” The voice asked.

“Yes, I am,” JJ said.

“Can you get down here soon?” The voice asked.

“Yes, I can. It will be about ten minutes. I’m at UMC now,” JJ said.

“Great ask for John, at the main pit desk,” the voice said and then hung up.

JJ put the receiver back and then turned to Raul, who was standing far enough away to give JJ some privacy.

“Can I ask for one more favor, Raul? I need to get down to the Barbary Coast, they need a cooler,” JJ said.

“I’ll give you a ride if … I can stay with you and see what you do,” Raul said.

“Hmm …” JJ started and then thought about what would happen if he had an audience. “I think … I think that will be okay,” JJ finally decided.

“Well, if it's going to be a problem, I won’t stay, just drop you off,” Raul said.

“No, it won’t be a problem. I was just thinking about how inconspicuous we would be. But I don’t think it will be a problem. We can sit at adjoining machines, and whoever I need to cool will probably never see us,” JJ said.

“Okay, that sounds good. How much do you think I need to play at the machines?” Raul asked, pulling out his wallet. Opening it, JJ saw that it was empty. “I was a little late on rent, that win on the poker machine helped a lot, and now I’m only a little underwater.”

“Not to worry, I have you covered,” JJ said as he reached for his wallet. “You won’t need much because you will be winning. Just remember not to play anything more than the minimum bet.” JJ handed Raul two twenty-dollar bills.

“Thank you for the loan, I’ll pay you back,” Raul said.

“No problem, but first we need to get there,” JJ said, and then headed to the car.

***

When they walked into the Barbary Coast, JJ looked around to see what machines would allow a player to watch the pit games.

“Let's go over to those,” JJ said to Raul, pointing to a group of slot machines near the strip entrance. The two of them walked over to a bank of machines that had a few silver coins slowly spinning in a display area at the top. Above the coins were the words “Silver Catch”. JJ studied the payout table for a moment.

“Change of plans, play the amount of coins required to get some of those coins,” JJ said, and then turned to the pit.

JJ stopped before he got more than a couple of steps away and, with his hand on his watch, said, “Good luck.”

“Aren’t you supposed to say break a leg?” Raul asked.

“No, and don’t tell me good luck. Every time someone says that a little wild magic, luck, is transferred,” JJ said.

“Ok, well goo… Oh man, it’s hard not to say it,” Raul said.

“Alright, win some of those silver coins,” JJ said, and then turned to find out who he needed to cool.

“I need to speak to John,” JJ said as he approached the velvet rope strung between tables to prevent players and the public from going behind the tables to the dealer area.

“One second, I’ll get him,” a well-dressed woman standing behind the rope said.

JJ stood for a moment, waiting, then a big man in an understated tuxedo walked up.

“What can I do for you?” The man asked him.

“You called for a cooler?” JJ asked.

“Yes, we did, but the player’s run of luck is already broken. Sorry to have bothered you,” John said.

“Ok, no problem, keep my number,” JJ said.

“Will do,” John said and then turned back to his duties.

JJ shrugged and then went back to Raul, where he was still playing the slot machine.

“Show me the silver coins,” JJ said to Raul.

“I haven’t won those, and I’m almost out of money,” Raul said.

“Hmm, I wonder why?” JJ asked and then looked at his watch. His watch showed just a tiny sliver of a moon. “It looks like my watch is almost empty. I guess I need to recharge it.” JJ grabbed his wallet and pulled out a hundred-dollar bill. “Here, put this in.”

“Are you sure? A hundred dollars?” Raul asked.

“Yeah, we should be able to win one with that,” JJ said.

“If you want a silver dollar, I’m sure there are precious metal dealers downtown where you can get a half dozen of them for a hundred,” Raul said.

“I think there’s something special about those things,” JJ said.

“Alright, I’ll play it,” Raul said and then put the bill into the machine.

“Oh, good luck,” JJ said as Raul reached up to pull the handle.

Raul pulled the handle. The machine clicked, and the reels started to spin. “Click,” the first reel stopped on a blank. “Click,” the second reel stopped on a bar symbol, “Click,” the final reel stopped on the silver strike symbol. With the final reel stopped, the machine sat waiting for the handle to be pulled again or the spin button to be hit.

“Well, that was anti-climactic. I figured you would change my luck and I would win every spin,” Raul said.

“Not until I can recharge my watch,” JJ said, looking around. “I think I’m going to walk around, keep spinning until you win a coin or two.”

“Will do,” Raul said, without taking his eyes from the spinning reels

JJ walked over to the table games to watch the people play. He stopped behind a blackjack game where there were a few players with big stacks in front of them.

“Dealer has blackjack,” the dealer said.

“Again? How is that possible?” a player demanded, throwing their cards at the dealer.

“Sir, please leave the cards on the table,” the dealer said, dodging the thrown cards.

The rest of the players silently put new bets on the table.

The dealer tossed out a new set of hands from the shoe. Her up card was a 6 of diamonds, and the players' up cards were a mix of low cards.

All of the players just stood in anticipation of the dealer busting.

“Dealer has twenty-one,” the dealer said after she flipped over a jack and then dealt herself a five.

“Unbelievable,” the loud, angry player said. “Well, that’s it.” He picked up his chips and then walked away. “The priest said this was a lucky charm, he lied,” JJ heard him say as he walked up to a trash can and tossed something in. The rest of the table followed his example and got up and left.

With the now-empty table, JJ selected a middle position and sat down.

“That was an interesting one,” the dealer said.

“What do you mean by that?” JJ asked as he pulled a hundred-dollar bill out of his wallet and put it on the table.

“Changing one hundred,” The dealer said over her shoulder. “The angry player was on a huge lucky streak; he was winning every hand and the table along with him. He sat down with a few crumpled dollar bills. By the time his streak was broken, about fifteen minutes ago, he had close to ten thousand. I’ve only ever seen something like that once before, about a month ago, when I was dealing over at Big Top.” The dealer started shuffling the decks while JJ watched. I took her a few minutes, and she finally dealt a hand. JJ just automatically waved his hand for a stand. “Are you sure? You’re showing a four and I’m showing a king.” She asked.

“Oh,” JJ hadn’t looked down at his cards. “Yeah, I’ll stay.”

“Your loss,” she said. Then she flipped over her hole card, revealing a six to make sixteen. She dealt herself another card, making twenty-two. “Dealer busts.”

“Did you see anyone hanging around when the streak broke?” JJ asked.

“No, do you want to continue playing? You will need to place a bet,” the dealer said.

“Oh, sorry, no, I think I need to get back to my friend,” JJ said and then got up after he collected his chips.

Standing up, he looked around to see if he could see the cooler that killed the streak. Among the collection of obvious tourists, he caught sight of a pale young man who looked like the kid who went into Arnie’s place.

JJ walked over to the trash can where the angry player had thrown away something. Looking down, he saw a dried chicken’s foot wrapped with some feathers. He had expected to see a crystal from Arnies. “That does not look like something Arnie has on sale,” shrugging, he walked back to Raul, where he was still sitting at the slot machine, pulling the handle.

“No luck?” JJ asked.

“I’ve only got the special symbols once, but I got three of these plastic things with a shiny piece inside,” Raul said as he handed JJ three silver coins in clear-plastic capsules.

“Well, that’s weird, why do they have this shell …” JJ started to say when a small jackpot started to fall out of the machine that Raul was playing. The coins fell, striking the metal tray and the other coins. “Oh, that’s why,” JJ said and then tried to figure out if he could remove the plastic case.

“You can open them,” JJ said after finding a little indent where he could slip his fingernail in and pry the two halves apart. “Here, open this one.” Raul accepted the offered coin and then worked on opening the case.

“You shouldn’t open them; that decreases their value,” a player at an adjoining machine said.

JJ ignored the player and looked at the coin now that it was out of the plastic. He flipped it over a few times, examining the design on both sides.

“Collect your winnings. Let's go have a cup of coffee and talk for a minute,” JJ said to Raul, turning to look for the coffee shop.

He grabbed one of the big cups at the side of the machine to carry his meager winnings and then got up to follow JJ.

“What did you want to talk about?” Raul asked when he sat down next to JJ at a booth in the casino’s diner.

“I just wanted a little privacy to look at the coins,” JJ said, and then spoke the spell to see magic. The coin he was examining shone very brightly. It had come out of the machine full of wild magic.

“Wow, it is bright,” JJ said. “Here, look.”

“Are you sure I won’t go crazy?” Raul asked.

“No, it's safe,” JJ said, looking up at Raul. He looked a little dim and did not have much wild magic, except for a bright spot in his hand that was the coin. Looking further up, JJ caught sight of some kind of very bright white creature. When JJ saw it, it seemed to raise a hand and then motion with one finger in front of its mouth to keep silent. “Uhmm, Raul,” JJ started to say, and the creature shook its head and again put its finger in front of its mouth to tell JJ not to say anything. “You know what, don’t look. Why don’t we wait until we are in a safe place again?”

“Ok,” Raul said with a look of concern on his face.

JJ kept his magic vision going so he could see what the creature was doing.

“Order a coffee for me, I need to go use the restroom,” JJ said and then stood up. When he got out of the coffee shop and out of sight of Raul, he looked to see if he could see the creature. It had followed him out and stood where it could still see Raul and JJ.

“Who or what are you?” JJ asked.

‘I am Raul’s protector,’ JJ heard it respond in his head.

“What are you, a guardian angel?” JJ asked.

‘Something like that. His grandmother asked me to keep an eye out for him while she was on her deathbed. She was a powerful hechicera. He comes from a long line of herchiceros,’ JJ heard again in his head.

JJ stood for a moment, trying to decide if the creature was telling the truth or if he needed to try to get Raul to safety. As he contemplated, a memory popped into his head of a spell to drive away evil creatures. He said the spell. At the conclusion of the spell's invocation, the sound of a hurricane-strength wind suddenly started. The creature just stood there while the spirit wind blew for a few seconds. The wind didn’t affect people or things directly but a few people near him suddenly looked happier and one bent over women stood up straight.

‘If you are done playing, I’m going back to my charge,’ the creature said to JJ. It then turned around and retook its position behind Raul.

JJ turned off his vision and then went to the restroom since he had said he was going to.

***

“I got cream for my coffee, and there’s enough for you if you want it,” Raul said when JJ returned to the booth.

“Thanks; I drink it black,” JJ said when he sat down. “The silver coin is already charged, so I figure we can go to another slot machine and win some money.”

“Do you think it will work? I was losing more than I was winning earlier,” Raul said.

“Yes, these coins are pretty charged up, you should be able to win a few months of rent in just a few pulls. Then we can go see Arnie,” JJ said.

“Oh wow, I almost forgot about needing to see him,” Raul said.

The two finished their coffee and then went out to the casino floor where they found a bank of slot machines with diamonds that had a paytable showing a good sized jackpot of close to ten thousand dollars.

“That will be good, not so big that we will draw attention, but big enough you can catch up on your bills, I’m guessing,” JJ said.

“Yes, that would take care of all my bills and give me money to live on for a month or two,” Raul said.

They sat down, and Raul started playing with the winnings from his bucket.

“Oh, keep the coin in your hand while you’re playing,” JJ said, while he pulled his coin out of his pocket. He put a twenty into the machine and then started playing.

“Ok,” Raul said, grabbed his coin, and started pulling the handle.

They only had to play a few spins when Raul’s machine gave him the jackpot. JJ’s machine’s reels stopped on a jackpot while the slot attendant was preparing to hand pay Raul's jackpot.

“Well, let's go see Arnie,” Raul said when they had both received their payout.