“Good morning, Mr Presley. How are you feeling today?” the nurse asked when she walked in.
It was morning, and the nurse was just coming in for her first round of vitals checks. JJ had been lying in bed, deciding if he was awake enough to wake up or if he should go back to sleep.
“I’m a little tired, but I’m anxious to go home,” JJ said. ”I like your uniform; I haven’t seen anyone else wear something so colorful.” The nurse had a top that had a few different red flowers on black.
“I always try to have a little of my home with me.” She said.
“That looks tropical; I guess home isn’t Vegas?” JJ asked.
“No, Hawaii is home. I am only here for a short while. Ok, back to you. You will be going home soon, but you need to be careful and know who you are talking to,” the nurse said.
“That’s good news,” JJ said and then looked at the whiteboard to see her name. The caregiver's spot on the board was blank. “Wait, what? I have to be careful about who I talk to?” JJ said, realizing what the nurse said.
“Don’t talk to strange ones,” the nurse said. “And the name is Kapo.” She said and then walked out.
“That was strange,” JJ said to himself.
“What was strange,” Rachel said as she walked into the room.
“The nurse that was just in here said some weird things,” JJ said.
“There was no nurse in here; in fact, there was no one in here,” Rachel said.
“She said she was my nurse for today, but she didn’t write her name there … “ JJ stopped talking when he looked at the whiteboard and saw that in the caregiver name section, it said Rachel. “Your name wasn’t there; the box was blank,”
“Let me check your vitals,” Rachel said with concern on her face.
She started with his pupil responses and then went on with the rest.
“Well, everything seems ok. I can see here in your chart that the doctor looked over the CAT scan and didn’t see anything to be concerned with. He checked the box for approval for discharge. I will double-check that you are on the discharge nurse’s schedule. Any questions?” She asked.
“No, I’m just glad to be going home. So there was no one else here?” JJ asked.
“Nope, you were probably having a dream. It was probably just a case of hospital hallucinations. Some people talk about having very vivid dreams in hospitals or even waking dreams.” She said.
“Yeah, that’s probably all that happened,” JJ said, not believing what she said.
“Ok, then, if I don’t see you again before you leave, it's been nice having such a quiet patient,” she said and then walked out of the room to continue her rounds.
JJ lay back and found the TV remote. The morning news just finished when an orderly walked in with a tray.
“Here’s breakfast—a loco moco. You must know someone important down in the kitchen to get something this different than the regular meals.” The orderly said. “Everyone else is getting eggs, toast, and sausages.” He placed the tray on the bed table and moved it over to the bed. “I will be back to pick up the tray in about an hour.” With that, he left the room.
“What is a loco moco?” JJ said to himself, then picked up the cover to see what it was. It was a hamburger patty covered in gravy on top of a mound of white rice. On top of all that was two over medium eggs. On the side was a scoop of macaroni salad and red plumeria flower.
“Wow, this looks filling. I’m glad I’m hungry.” JJ said. He had just taken the first bite when a male nurse walked in.
“Good news, Mr Presley. You are going home,” he said and then looked up from his clipboard. “Ooh, a loco moco, I haven’t had a good one in years. There was this place on Maui around the corner from my grandmother’s house that made the best loco moco, even better than my grandmother’s. Wow, a red Melia.”
“Melia, what’s that?” JJ asked.
“That’s the Hawaiian name for the plumeria flower. That is a plumeria flower and a red one at that.” The nurse said.
“So you said I was leaving today?” JJ asked.
“Oh right, yes. You are being discharged; I am Hae, your discharge nurse. I am here to let you know about your aftercare; your healing doesn’t stop when you leave the hospital,” Hae said like he was repeating a script. “Looking over your vitals and the diagnosis… “ Hae looked down at the chart. “Hmm, it just says a little bump on your head. I don’t know this doctor, Kapo. Well, with this diagnosis … I’m sorry, this isn’t a diagnosis. I guess there is no aftercare; just try not to bump your head again. I have some papers for you to sign.” Hae moved JJ’s breakfast and then gave him some papers to sign.
“Can I finish my breakfast before I leave,” JJ asked.
“Yes, absolutely, sign here … and here … and here,” Hae said as he shuffled papers for him to sign.
“An orderly will be by in a bit with a wheel-chair, and he will take you down to your ride,” Hae said.
“About that, can I get a cab?” JJ asked.
“Yes, the security desk downstairs will help with that. That’s pretty common to need a cab,” Hae said.
“Ok, thank you. I’ll be glad to get home.” JJ said.
“Finish your plate. By the time you’re done, the orderly will be here. Now, I have to head out to talk to a patient with a real diagnosis. Have a nice day. Kapo, I haven’t heard anyone named that since the stories of my grandmother.” Hae said as he walked out.
JJ was finally able to finish his loco moco. He put the last bit of gravy on his fork and enjoyed every bit of it. He pushed the little table cart away from the bed.
“Hmm, I wonder where the orderly is,” JJ said to himself. He sat back and grabbed the TV remote. He was about to start flipping channels when the phone rang.
“Hello, Morgue. We keep them on ice,” JJ said with a bit of humor, expecting the caller to have the wrong number.
“Oh, I got the wrong number,” Arnie said.
“Hi, Arnie, I was just joking,” JJ said.
“Funny, good joke; I was calling to make sure you’re still there,” Arnie said.
“They said an orderly would be by shortly, and I would be heading home,” JJ said.
“How are you getting home? You don’t have a car.” Arnie asked.
“They said I could get a cab,” JJ said.
“I will be there shortly. I’ve needed to start my car,” Arnie said, then hung up.
“Goodbye,” JJ said to a dead phone.
Shortly after he hung up, the orderly stopped at the doorway, pushing a wheelchair. He was an older, thin man with white hair and a pink striped shirt over khaki pants.
“Jump in,” the orderly said.
“Ok, I’ll hop right in. Aren’t you supposed to help me?” JJ asked.
“Nope, I’m only supposed to push this chair. The judge was very clear that I had to obey all their rules, and I know the rules. The rules say I push the chair,” the orderly said.
JJ looked at him a moment and then said. “Can you at least move it closer? Like into the room.”
“Nope, the rules don’t say I have to go into a room full of germs. I’ll stay right here,” the orderly said.
JJ slid out of bed and stopped for a moment to steady himself. He looked down and realized he was still in a hospital gown.
“Do you know where my clothes are?” JJ asked.
“Not a clue, but usually, they keep them in the armoire on the other side of the room,” he said.
JJ looked and then shuffled over to the piece of furniture. He found his clothes stuffed into a bag with the word Evidence printed on it in red. “That’s weird,” JJ said to himself.
He bent over to grab the bag, and his hospital gown fell away from him.
“Wow, I don’t need to get to know you that well. That … that is an ugly scar on your back,” the orderly said.
“What, what scar,” JJ said.
“That scar,” The orderly said, pointing at JJ’s back. “You don’t feel it?”
“No, I can’t feel it,” JJ said, standing up with the bag of clothes. He went back to the bathroom to change. He was moving a little faster now. In the bathroom, he tried to look at his back in the mirror. What he could see looked like a circle was burned into his back. Inside the circle were some shapes and lines.
“When did that happen?” JJ asked himself. “I can’t remember the last time I looked at my back.”
JJ looked at the scar for a few minutes, trying to figure out what it was or when it happened.
“Hey, I’m not going to wait forever,” the orderly said as he banged on the bathroom door.
“Alright, alright, I’ll be out in a second,” JJ said. He pulled his clothes out of the bag, trying to shake out some of the wrinkles. “That’s a lost cause. Well, I guess I’ll give sleeping in your clothes a bad name.” JJ got dressed and then went out to the very patient orderly.
“Alright, sir, I’m ready to go,” JJ said as he walked out of the bathroom.
“About time, I’m missing Judge Wapner,” the orderly said.
They made it down to the lobby in record time.
“Watch those tires. I think there’s smoke coming from them,” JJ said to the orderly as he got out of the chair.
“Have a good day,” the orderly was pushing the chair away before JJ had fully cleared it.
He looked around to see where he could sit before Arnie showed up. The lobby was shades of beige with a few potted ficus trees. Hawaiian slide-guitar music was playing from speakers embedded in the ceiling.
“I swear I smell tropical flowers,” JJ said.
“What’s that?” An older gentleman in a pink striped shirt at the information desk asked.
“Oh, I was just commenting on how calm the lobby is,” JJ said.
“Hmm,” the man said and then went back to his paper.
“So what’s with the shirt? The guy that brought me down here was wearing one just like yours.” JJ asked.
“It’s what all the volunteers wear,” he said without looking up from his paper.
“Do you do it as a retirement thing?” JJ asked.
“Nope, I’m here because a judge told me I have to. I would prefer to be playing keno and drinking a whiskey.” The man said.
“Oh ok,” JJ said, not wanting to pry now that it became uncomfortable.
JJ walked over to the row of chairs that were against the wall opposite the information desk.
He picked up an old copy of People that was sitting on a table next to his chair. It had a picture of Dustin Hoffman in a ridiculous pirate costume.
“Really, a magazine about celebrities and their troubles?” Arnie said as he walked in.
“That was the best of a bunch of bad magazines,” JJ said as he put it down and stood up. “You look good, Arnie. Did you lose some weight?”
“It’s only been three days; how could I have lost enough weight in that time for you to notice?” Arnie said as he hiked up his pants.
“Yeah, that doesn’t make sense. Well, I’m ready to go.” JJ said.
“Good. I want to get back to the shop. I have some things to show you.” Arnie said, turning around to take him to the car. “My car is in the fire lane, right outside.”
They walked out the door. “It's the blue boat there,” Arnie said, pointing to an Oldsmobile from the late 1970s.
“Wow, that is not what I expected you to be driving,” JJ said. “I'm not sure what I expected, but not some boat that should have been junked ten years ago.”
“Hey, be nice, that’s Sally. She’s been getting me around for five years now with very few complaints. I give her oil once in a while along with plenty of high test.” Arnie said.
The interior upholstery was a pattern of grey and black threads in an attempt to hide stains. It was failing. JJ grabbed a stack of losing sports book slips. “I didn’t realize you were a sports bettor. I guess that’s one more thing I didn’t know about you.” JJ said as he sat down in the car.
“Those are old. I was convinced I had found a formula for betting baseball. I was wrong.” Arnie said.
“Hmm, I’ve never been much into sports, so I wouldn’t know how to bet on anything,” JJ said. “So you said you had lots to tell me.”
“Oh right,” Arnie said with only half of his attention. He seemed to be doing some ritual of tapping the dash and the steering wheel. “I have to give her a little encouragement, or she might decide she’s had enough.” Arnie finished his tapping and patting, closed his eyes, and turned the key. “You can do it, Sally,” Arnie said to the car as the engine tried to decide if it would start or not.
“Why don’t you just take it to the mechanic?” JJ asked.
“Don’t say such rude things. It is impolite to discuss the medical condition of a person behind their back. Besides, she doesn’t like any of the mechanics I’ve taken her to. They don’t talk to her; they just pop open the hood and start turning nuts and screws. Mechanics have to talk to her first before they are so rude as to put their hands in her engine compartment and start tinkering.” Arnie said.
JJ just looked at him for a moment and realized that the subject of Sally was not one he wanted to explore.
“Besides, you might make Sally sad if you suggest she is not performing her duties,” Arnie continued, letting Sally’s starter rest between attempts to wake her up.
“I apologize, Sally. You are a good car.” JJ said.
In response to the praise, Sally started up, and JJ could almost understand the saying she purrs like a kitten.
“Well, that's a new one; I hadn’t turned the key again. I guess she’s ready to go.” Arnie said, put it in drive, and gracefully exited the parking lot.
“I was able to talk to Aku and Aku last night. They were glad I came back, and then they offered me a new spell. This thing is incredible. I can fill all my crystals in a matter of days instead of months,” Arnie said.
“All your crystals? I think you had hundreds.” JJ asked.
“Well, not all my crystals, but all the big ones. Those are the ones that make me all the money and are the only ones I care about. I can fill those now, when you walk by them, in a day or two instead of months,” Arnie said.
“Wow, every time I walked by your crystals, you had to spend months refilling them? That makes sense; you always had a look on your face when I walked over there.” JJ said.
“Yep, that's about it. Now, I can sell as many as I want and actually even fill the small ones. Of course, I wouldn’t want to make the small ones very good, or I couldn’t sell the big ones for thousands. That was worth it.” Arnie said.
“What do you mean worth it?” JJ asked.
“Nothing really, they just asked me to let them know if I encounter certain people. They said for every person they told me about, they would give me a new spell. They talked about world-changing spells.” Arnie said.
“Did they say why they wanted the information?” JJ asked.
“They said that the people I should watch out for are sons and daughters of the gods of the island, and they wish to offer their protection,” Arnie said.
“Hmm, that’s interesting,” JJ said.
“Why do say … get out of the way. Man, those bingo grandmas shouldn’t be on the road.” Arnie said as he hit the horn to emphasize his displeasure at a driver driving at the speed limit.
“Why are you in such a hurry, or do you always try to hit triple digits on the freeway?” JJ asked.
“I just want to get back and fill up some more big crystals,” Arnie said. Arnie was silent
“Where is the list of names? I’ll keep an eye out for them if you want me to?” JJ asked.
“That would be great. You spend a lot of time in the casinos, and I’ll pay you for the information,” Arnie offered. “When we get back to the store, I’ll write out the names. I didn’t think about bringing a pen and paper to my meeting with Aku Aku, so I didn’t remember all of them, but they will repeat the names, and they said they would give me more names.”
“You don’t need to pay me; just start teaching me magic,” JJ said.
“That’s a deal,” Arnie said. He was quiet for a while, negotiating the traffic.
“It was a very interesting hospital stay. The diagnosis that was in my chart said, ‘bumped his little head.’ What doctor makes a diagnosis like that?” JJ said, trying to fill the silence.
“Who was your doctor?” Arnie said with half his attention on the road.
“The doctor’s name on the form said Kapo. I’ve never heard that name before. There was a nurse that said her name was Kapo.” JJ said, thinking about his stay.
Arnie was silent for a few minutes as he concentrated on the road. “I think we need some music. See if you can find something on the radio.” Arnie said, nodding towards the radio in the dash.
“I’m on it,” JJ said as he bent to his task.
“There has been another robbery of a casino with the perpetrators disappearing,” an announcer’s voice said.
JJ spun the dial until he found another station. “Did you eat it?” Another voice on the radio said.
“Oh, turn that. They won’t have music; that’s one of those comedy radio shows.” Arnie said. “Wait, you said Kapo,”
“Yes,” JJ said, concentrating on finding music. He spun the dial again and finally found a top forty station playing some passable music.
“I think that was one of the names that Aku Aku gave me. We’ll have to check it,” Arnie said.
“That would be a really weird coincidence,” JJ said.
They made the rest of the drive, listening to the music.
* * *
“Here, change your shirt. That one has burn marks all over it and a few holes.” Arnie said, throwing JJ a shirt. They were in Arnie’s break room.
JJ turned his back to Arnie and pulled off his shirt.
“So, where do you live,” JJ asked as he started to change his shirt.
“Wait, don’t put the shirt on,” Arnie said as he stepped up to JJ’s back. “Did you have this burn before your episode at the Palace?”
“I was thinking about that when the orderly in the hospital told me about it, and I couldn’t remember having ever seen it before,” JJ said.
“I would guess you had it before. It would explain your incredible cooler ability. This is the remnants of a spell. I have never seen some of these symbols, but this one here,” Arnie said, touching a portion of the scar, “is a symbol for transient magic. And this one here,” touching another portion of the scar, “is a symbol for attraction.”
“Magic symbols on my back? Where did they come from, and who put them there? I think I would remember being branded.” JJ asked.
“It could have been some kind of branding, but more likely, it was put on via a spell specifically designed to burn symbols into a person,” Arnie said.
“Would I have been conscious for this to happen?” JJ asked.
“I’m not sure I’ve never done or even seen a spell that could burn a spell into someone,” Arnie said.
“Then how do you know it was a spell that put the symbols on my body?” JJ asked.
“Because it is too perfect. The circle that contains them is perfectly round, and the groupings of symbols are aligned around the circle, equidistant from each other and the edge of the circle. If it were a big brand with the circle and all the symbols the depth of the brand would be uneven because your back is not perfectly flat. I cannot imagine any other way someone would do this. It’s perfect except for one slash across the edge of the circle. Sit down backward in this seat. I want to look at it closer with magic vision,” Arnie said, indicating the chair closest to him.
JJ sat down, looking a little distracted. “How did someone do this to me and why.”
Once JJ was seated, Arnie sort of crossed his eyes, “Wow!” he exclaimed and then shut his eyes. “I can only look at you for a second.”
“What, why, what’s going on?” JJ asked in alarm.
“I can only guess, but it looks like you are no longer a cooler. You are so full of luck that I can barely look at you. You are so bright because of all the luck that it’s like looking at the sun without any protection. I’m now more sure that your cooler ability came from that spell that’s burned onto your back. You are so lucky right now that you would win any game, no matter how bad the odds. You could play draw poker with a napkin, and you would win. That would be funny to see; I could just imagine you sitting down at some table, and then a napkin just comes off the shoe,” Arnie started to ramble and was getting lost in his thoughts.
“Earth to Arnie. Is there something I can do to fix this? I make my living being a cooler. What am I going to do now?” JJ said, starting to be concerned.
“You don’t get it. You are incredibly lucky. You can go into any casino and sit down and win any game. You could put a quarter into a slot machine and win the jackpot every time.” Arnie said, getting a little excited.
“I understand, but how am I going to be a cooler anymore? How am I going to make a living? I’m going to be handing out those naked hooker leaflets” JJ was now starting to get hysterical.
“No, you don’t understand,” Arnie said, interrupting JJ’s hysterics. “Stop and take a breath. I don’t want to slap you to snap you out of it.” Arnie paused while JJ got himself under control. “Now, do you have four quarters or a dollar bill?”
JJ stopped, reached into his pocket, and pulled out a five-dollar bill. “No, I guess I don’t, but how is that going to help me? This won’t even buy me a buffet at circus circus.”
“Well, let me show you,” Arnie reached into his pocket and pulled out a quarter and a roll of bills. “Ok, I’ll bet you that five against my ten.” Arnie peeled off a ten-dollar bill from his roll. “If I flip and get heads or tails, I win your five; if not, I will pay you this ten.”
“That is ridiculous; there is only heads or tails.” JJ protested.
“Is there? Do you take the bet?” Arnie asked.
“Why would I take that bet? That is ridiculous.” JJ said.
“Just take the bet. Here I’ll pay you a twenty if you win.” Arnie said.
“Make it a fifty, and I will take the bet just to prove how ridiculous you are,” JJ said.
“Ok, it's a bet,” Arnie said and flipped the coin.
It flew up in the air and then came down, landing on the table on its edge, and stayed there.
“There, that's what I meant. Here,” Arnie said, handing JJ fifty dollars.
“Do it again,” JJ said.
“Not for fifty, but how about we make it even money? Your five for my five?” Arnie asked.
“Ok, I guess I can give you five dollars. There is no way it’s going to do that twice.” JJ said.
“Alright,” Arnie said, and then flipped the quarter again. It again flew up and landed on the edge.
“How is that possible? Here, let me do it. Is it a trick quarter? Let’s make it. I win if it's heads; that way, if it's a trick quarter, it will land on the edge again.” JJ grabbed the quarter and flipped it. It flew up again and then landed on heads.
“Uhm, one more time, heads,” JJ said as he grabbed it again and flipped it. It landed on heads. “One more time,” JJ said.
“No, that’s enough. I’ll go broke.” Arnie said.
“So where can I bet people on coin flips? I can’t make a living in bars betting people that it will land on the edge, “ JJ said.
“You still do not understand. Here, let’s go for a quick walk into Ballys. Put the shirt on. I’m just going to go check my messages.” Arnie said and then walked out to the little room where JJ had slept off the whiskey,
JJ could hear the beeps of the answering machine and some mumbling of a recording. After a moment, Arnie came back into the room.
“All right, let’s go. Here, let me give you quarters for those five.
* * *
“We will just go down to the low-limit slot machines down the stairs there to the right,” Arnie said. The Crystal Palace was in a small shopping center in front of Ballys, so it was a quick walk.
JJ went where Arnie indicated. “All right, what do I do now? Last time I sat down at a machine, I broke it.” JJ said.
“Put one of the quarters in … “ Arnie was interrupted by the jackpot lights going off at the only other occupied machine a few down from JJ. “Go ahead and put in a quarter and pull the handle.”
“Just one, she put in five,” JJ said indicating the lady who just won the jackpot.
“No, we don’t want to draw too much attention,” Arnie said.
“I won, I won.” The lady at the winning slot machine had jumped up and now was dancing around and waving her hands. “I won, I won.” She kept repeating it over and over until a slot attendant came over to pay out the jackpot.
“Ok, you’re the driver for this expedition,” JJ said, pulling his attention back from the show. He put the quarter in and then gingerly reached up and pulled the handle. The machine spun for just a short amount of time, and then four diamonds showed up. JJ waited, expecting the diamonds to jump off the pay line or the machine to start smoking. None of that happened, but quarters started to pour into the tray below the machine. “Oh no!” JJ exclaimed in panic and started to jump up. Arnie just put his hand on his shoulder to keep him from moving.
“What did I do? I didn’t mean to break it. How do I put these back where they belong.” JJ said in growing panic. “Arnie! Help me stop this.” JJ was now trying to block the flood of quarters that were still spilling out. The slot attendant looked over at the new commotion with surprise. “Wow, we have another big winner. John here will take care of paying out your winning,” the slot attendant said to the jackpot winner, indicating what appeared to be a floor manager standing next to her.
“Can I get you a few buckets to collect your winnings,” She said as she stepped up behind JJ and Arnie.
“I didn’t mean to break it. I just played one quarter, and then it broke and started pouring out quarters.” JJ said in panic.
“Yes, that's why you should always play max bet. You never know when the jackpot will hit. Now, since you didn’t play five quarters, you are only winning five thousand four hundred and thirty-five dollars. If you had played the max bet, you would have won the jackpot of two hundred and fifty thousand dollars,” the attendant said.
“You mean I didn’t break it? I won? How is that possible?” JJ asked.
“No, you did not break it. It will pay out one hundred dollars in quarters the rest I give you in cash.” The attendant said as she started counting out the rest of the winnings. Just then, another jackpot bell started ringing on the other side of the bank. “Well, again, congratulations.” She handed JJ a stack of bills and then headed around to the newest winner.
“Here, collect your winnings, and let’s get out of here before every machine in this place starts spitting out jackpots,” Arnie said as he helped JJ scoop out the quarters.
“Why would they start having jackpots?” JJ said as he scooped quarters as fast as he could.
“What happened in the casinos when you visited before your stay in the hospital?” Arnie asked as he put the last of the quarters in a bucket. “Let’s go.”
“Well, the machines and tables around me will start losing. If I sat down at a machine, it would freak out and lose in ways that seemed impossible.
“Ok, now think about what just happened here, after you,” Arnie said, holding the door to let JJ go out first. “Let’s head back to my shop. I think it's time for me to start teaching you magic.”
“Alright,” JJ said as he started to think about the events that just occurred. “It was almost like I was an-anti cooler.”
“Yes, you are correct,” Arnie said picking up the pace to get inside out of the Vegas heat.
“Do you mind if we start the training tomorrow? I’m feeling a little drained. I think I need to have a night of sleep without beeps and pages and nurse visits.” JJ asked.
“Yes, meet me at the shop at 11 am. Oh, here, let me buy the quarters from you.” Arnie said as he grabbed a hundred-dollar bill from his pocket. “I think it would be a good idea to stay out of the casino as much as possible for the moment.
“Thank you,” JJ said, accepting the bill from Arnie and handing him the quarters. “I have a lot to consider. I will see you tomorrow morning at 11.”